Is there a difference between being a black man and a white man in love?

Yes, there are some major differences. While we are both men and still go through a number of similar relationship dynamics, they play out differently due to two major reasons. The first is our position in American society (I should state here that my book is written from the viewpoints of an African American male born and reared in this country whose ancestors did not emigrate from the Caribbean or Africa). The second deals with [basically] the women that we deal with.

In this society, we [as Black men] are continually dealing with the issues of racism, both past and present. This is not only filled with attitudes based on stereotypes but also in the experiences that people have had with Blacks, both male and female. Due to this, we are not coming from the same platform [on average] as white men. We are judged differently, not only by society as a whole, but also within our own ranks.

Second, our women are coming from different platforms as white women in general. We, as well as they have a whole different set of realities than white America, as well as Asian America, and due to that, shape how Black women interact with Black men. Once you throw in the normal factors such as differences in physiology, economics, housing, etc., you do wind up with a contrasting type of relationship.

However, we [Black and white men] all go through similar basic dynamics as to a major degree, people are still people and while the values of the variables might be different in the equations of relationships, the formulas are all the same.

Can a black man love?

Yes, and I hate getting this question asked.

What made me write this book?

Life. It was just things that I wrote down as I experienced love, lust and heartache over many years and through many experiences. I have always been a creative person yearning to do my own thing and finally several years ago, I decided to wrap all of them pieces up and put them in a book. The book would've come out in 2001, but I wound up going through one major eye-opening and heartbreaking experience that year, which made me write another chapter.

Are there any good Black men, and if so, where can they be found?

There are a ton of good Black men out there in the world, just as there are a ton of good Black women. Sometimes, it just comes down to your perception. The reality is that we have to look inside at ourselves first and be open, truthful and honest about how we view each other, and how we actually treat each other. Sometimes, you don't have to have someone who has the same things in life as you, or even more than you in that regards. Let's be honest, if you look at corporate America, there are a substantial number more Black women that men in positions above the mail room and lower than the levels of senior management. What that means is that for Black women who have attained certain positions in corporate America, they have to realize that the ration of Black women to Black men similar to them is going to be quite high. You'll see these ratios starting to occur in college and in some ways, get higher and higher further along down the career path.

I loved the book 10 Bad Decisions that Black Women Make because it really addresses this issue in a number of ways. The reality is that not all Black men are incarcerated, on drugs, or doing crime. There are a ton of Black men that the average woman passes everyday. They might not have a certain type of job [which might render them invisible], but they just might be the one to treat her like a queen. It is not always what you have individually, but sometimes what you can build together.

Sometimes, you get what you really need, but either are too stubborn to admit it, or will fight with it because it didn't come wrapped, if not acting the way that you think it should. Another issue is that they might be all around you, but you won't get it until you change/resolves some of the issues within yourself.