When A Black Man Loves - a romantic journey

Don't be "yesterday's ho" tomorrow

Zachary M.C. Harris
Sunday, April 21, 2013

So, I was up talking with my buddy ‘E’ this morning, and we were talking about some of our experiences with the opposite sex.  Well, the issue came up of men who want to videotape their sexual experiences with women they are seeing, and we both think that it is a very foolish idea for a woman to do, as you never know what will happen to that media in the end.  As we talked more and more in regards to some of the things happening in modern society, it become more hilarious as well as ironic that the episode of The Boondocks playing on last night’s Adult Swim was “Guess Hoe’s Coming to Dinner.”

As we further discussed the mentality of the men who are into this – for the record, it’s not my thing – I proffered that the reality is that there are a ton of women out there who eagerly accede to requests like this and have no idea of where these things will wind up in the future.  Men who want this have no hesitation in asking this of women as they probably have already done it with someone else.  I don’t know when it became cool, or the “in” thing to have a sex-tape, but haven’t women learned from past examples that it’s not always in their best interests.  Yes, it was the one thing that propelled the Kardashians [via Kim] into the spotlight, but more often than not, it usually results in a total loss of respect and reputation for most female participants.  Once certain things get out there to the world, there is no way to get them back or have people forget about them.  And unfortunately for the woman, you are forever branded, and most often not in the best light.

What’s worse is that unlike a professional ho, these women are not getting paid at all and are worse humiliated as many men tend to want to leave ‘certain’ women alone, at least outside of anything more than having sex with them. 

We have several generations of women currently willing to send nude pictures of themselves via text message, post them on certain websites, have themselves filmed having sex, or do whatever they think is cool to proclaim themselves “the baddest bitch” or a “down bitch” when in reality there are winning the title of “dumbest bitch.”  And if you think that I am wrong in using the word ‘bitch’ just start looking around the web. 

Think of what you future could hold, and what possibilities you are not allowing to happen in your life.  Back in the day, it was possible for you to do something one place, and when the fallout to your reputation happened, move away to another place and start anew, but with the power of the internet and social media, that is not going to happen ladies.  Remember the Vanessa Williams scandal?  Or, I am sure that if you turn on your local news, at least one case will come to light every two months.  There was the girl that was raped by the Ohio football players; it didn’t matter that she liked to get blitzed, she was still ostracized  And there was the teenager in Philadelphia, who gave her boyfriend a blowjob outside of the school exit doors, while his friends watched and one recorded it with a cellphone.

Whether or not people want to admit it, many men see these women as hoes.  Now, many of us would make an exception in the case of Vanessa Williams, but most women will be relegated to not being looked upon with respect.  We’re men, this is what we do.  I’ve seen women parade themselves with little to no clothing on for money, mostly tips, and some of them taking it further to prostitution while other people stood around and watched the transaction taking place.  I have seen some beautiful women, looked into their eyes, and knew that nothing more could happen between us but conversations and drinks, for they had not valued themselves in the least.  And I am not talking about those ladies who get paid big money for working in certain strip clubs; I am talking about the places where you see dancing ladies advertised for one or two nights a week.  And even some of the women who earn the big bucks are still looked down upon, as they in all reality have become nothing but a commodity.  Another one can be found when they lose their luster, and when they are replaced they are not thought of in high regards at all.

Essentially, once you put yourself out there in certain ways, you [can] gain a stigma that can be damned near impossible to shake.  Men can be total assholes, and you’d be surprised what they will share and disseminate just to build up their reputations and ego at the expense of others.  The issue becomes one of you have no idea what a person will do with something that was supposed to be personal and private.  Some men don’t know how to be happy with what they have got without blabbing it to the world.  Some men don’t know how to break amicably and then have to go and try to besmirch the other person by making her look more like a cheap conquest than someone who just did things for them because they liked them.  Such is life.

Summarily, just don’t do anything that tomorrow will have you recognized as a ho to more people than you can control.  Reputation is everything, and as a woman, it’s a lot harder to go without a good one then as a man.

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