When A Black Man Loves - a romantic journey

But I Never Used a Love Potion

Zachary M.C. Harris
Thursday, March 21, 2013

Whether or not most people want to believe, there are multiple recipes for love potions out there.

You either just have to know the juju yourself, or find some good mage who is well versed in connecting to the spiritual realm in a more direct process.  

I first thought of this piece while pondering the aspect of severely loving someone, but not losing yourself to that love.

The counterpoint is that while the heart feels what it does, the brain knows that there are too many things that would drive you crazy.

And this is linked to not only crushes, but that feeling of really wanting that certain someone.  Sometimes, it’s the aspect of the object of desire like in Maxwell’s song “Bad Habits.”

For me, I think back to when I first considered the use of a love potion; the year was either 1995 or 1996 and the woman was Karen.  Oh, I was so in love with her that I could have moved mountains easily.  Actually, I realize that it was 1996 because I believe that I had already been marked/scratched/protected for the chiwara masquerade (google ‘chiwara’ and you might find some relevant information).  And I tell you, I wanted this woman more than anything in the world.  I had first met her in October of 1993 and for me, it was love at first sight.  The only thing better than her beauty and sultry voice was the taste of her and the intertwining with her.

By this time, I was more familiar with the African American community who practiced the religion/spirituality of the Akan peoples of Ghana, and one such priestess lived only two blocks from my house.  I hurt so much that I pondered walking down and asking her to make up some for me.  Now you ask, “what stopped me?”  The answer is actually easy, as the old saying goes, “be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.”  There is an old episode of “The Twilight Zone” in which a man madly in love with a woman pays for such a potion.  The potion in itself is inexpensive and it works, true to purpose.  However, after several days of constant attention, the man starts to regret exactly what he wanted in the first place.  Upon going back to the person he got the love potion from, he realizes why it was so cheap and how the man could afford to sell it and stay in business; the answer was that the antidote was so damned expensive!

I think of that when I look at the fact that I am forty two years old, have never been married and honestly just have never found the one for me.  Actually, I don’t know that either, as in my life I have come across a number of women who might have been everything I needed and wanted, but at that time I met them, there were other things going on in my life that made courting them damned near impossible.  What reinforced this was getting a hello on Facebook from someone I had known casually – not intimately or romantically – who just unpacked and came across my book.  As soon as I saw the name and photo, I knew who it was, and remembered the beauty that this woman was.  We just were in two different places; me living at home and working on starting my own business(es), and her with a daughter and going through life.

Well, she is happily married, still looking phenomenal and I am happy for her.  As I look back at the past loves of my life, and I look at what I still have in store and that I am finally in a position where they can come to fruition, and I am content in that I have trudged this road.

As they say, “you learn more from failure than from success” and I have had enough experience to know what I don’t want and what I wouldn’t be happy with.  Oh, I do question myself, looking back and wondering if one of those people could have been the one, and then measuring all of the pros and the cons, but the fact is that I have to do all that, I already have my answer.  There are people whom I thought I would marry, and people who made me really feel great, but none of them were the fit for me.  At least not the fit for me where they were at and where I was at at that moment.  I still miss some of the crazy ones that were great fun, and I still realize that I can’t give up some needs in order to have others sated.

No matter how much I was in love, I never used a love potion, and I don’t think that I ever will.

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